Moon Dreams & Day Beams

Help me, Papa

“What does Beatrice think about her brother,” everyone quizes. Frankly, I do not know exactly what she thinks about the babbb bee  (as she refers to him). Conversely, I am very aware of what she thinks about me. She thinks I have abandoned her and she is angry about it.

Pleeeeeaaaa, Papa.  

To Beatrice, Papa is the only one who can save the day.            

Oh, I am so sorry Baby B. I promise it will all get better soon.

The Symphony has become my new breast best friend. I love it.

Now, if I can just find a used pump to purchase. Where in the world do you shop for something like that?

Hmm…or a place to rent. Our local home health stores do not offer this model.

UPDATE SINCE I POSTED THIS. WE RENTED ONE FROM HERE

*photo by flickr

And then, they said “You can go home!”

So, we wheeled him down as chop-chop, super-sonic, presto, pronto and snappity-snap as two exhausted, delighted, hearty, parents could. This was after the successful completion of the Premature Infant CPR Class, the Car Seat Challenge, and a baby bathing class among other criteria.

Baby Whitaker slept the entire ride through the hospital.

Mama and Papa are so happy to board the car. We can’t wait!

Papa whirled the car around to the front of Memorial.

Then he carefully strapped his mini-me in the special preemie seat.

Alas, we were headed back to the ‘boro  with Papa in the front seat and Mama in the backseat beside the baby. Whitaker and his parents were happy to be one step closer to assembling their little  family.

Whitaker and his cheap sun glasses.

He had to stay under the bili light for a few days. Our extra-awesome-ever-fabuluos nurse, Barbara, searched until she found the best one in the ward. This bili light had light on the top and bottem. According to her this particular machine was so much stronger that it scored a few days for him, a few days that we applied toward our trip home.

  Due to high blood pressure I had to stay in Statesboro an extra day. Typically, they allow mothers an early release to be with their babies.  As soon as I was released we headed to Savannah.  We arrived at about 10p to meet with the Doctors and nurses.  These pictures are from that night at the Backus Children’s Hospital Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. It was so late that night we did not get a room. We stayed in the unit as long as we could before driving back to Statesboro.

This was the first time I was able to touch my baby. It was a bittersweet reunion after the abrupt ejection from the womb. It made me really sad when they quickly wheeled him into my room. This photo is at Bulloch Memorial Hospital just before he boarded the Emergency Infant Transport Vehicle( with four women I didn’t know) in route to the Neonatal Intensive Care Nursery at Backus Children’s Hopsital at Memorial Hospital. He made a strange quiet, pulsing, shrieking noise the entire length of our visit.  It was described as a distress call by the transport team.

It really broke my heart. I wanted to hold him and touch him and tell him that everything is going to be alright.

by knittybittyapparel

While window shopping on ETSY this morning I uncovered these great finds. These newborn hats are so cute.  Who said shopping for baby boys isn’t fun? Since he doesn’t really fit into any clothes and I can’t see spending a lot on preemie clothes that will quickly be outgrown. I think a funky hat is in order. He has to wear a hat at all times to help regulate his body temperature. I feel a little spunk coming on.

I haven’t bought anything. I am just window shopping. There are so many choices. Wow.

Here is one by knitwit woolies:  

And, this one by adrienekinsella

  by madaboutcolour

Just go to etsy and type in newborn hats. You will find so, so many things.

I was curious about cloth diapering with Beatrice; however, I felt overwhelmed each time I embarked on the inauguration of this radical change.  More, a lot of people discourage cloth diapering.

“Listen, I have done both. Disposable diapers are worth it. There is no question about it. They are the way to go,” my Mom says.

Despite all the advice to stick to disposables, I want to at least give it a whirl. The cloth diapers are so cute, while they are good for the environment. Did you know it takes 75 YEARS FOR ONE DISPOSABLE DIAPER to decompose?  Whew, wee. Beatrice and I have our own mountain of trash piled some where! I am not committed to strictly cloth diapering. Rather, I am just curious. i want to see what all the fuss is about. It can not hurt anything to try because it is cheaper and more comfy, more soft, and more healthy. Every time that we try it we will be doing the world, and Whitaker a favor. Plus, it makes my milk drop just a bit to see cute baby bums in cloth diapers!

Brian and I bought the Bummis Cloth Diapering Kit. Bummis  is the brand recommended by Brighter Day and the Midwife Group. The starter kit was a bit pricey but it includes everything — even an instruction book. That is just what I need. I need all the parts. It has to be simple and easy for me ; or, I am not going to stick to this.

I am so excited that I can hardly wait until Whitaker West reaches 8lbs so that we can get wear our first Bummi.

*Photo from flickr

Whitaker West Hulsey arrived by a surprise visit last Wednesday, April 15th. I know, I need to get some pictures posted especially for Aunt Peggy. I promise, promise, promise.  I just do not have the equipment here to do it and until today I have not really had much time to blog or even think about a computer.

He weighed 5.7 lbs upon arrival.

“He is a big preemie,” everyone keeps saying.

I do not know if he is big or not, he seems so tiny to his unprepared parents. Brian and I had been waiting. We were waiting on his work to slow to focus on the baby’s arrival. However, as we have learned birth doesn’t wait on our calender. He arrived on HIS schedule.

We are really excited. I admit it took a little while to feel “mommy-ish” this time. Yet, through the nursing and skin-to-skin sessions I feel much closer. I am very anxious to hold him in my arms in our room on our schedule with our family.

*Megan does have one picture posted of little Whitaker. It is from one of his first days here. It looks a little morbid. I couldn’t send it to anyone or post it myself. In fact, it really bothered me to look at it. But, if you want look click here while knowing that he looks 100 times healthier these days

*photo via flickr

Some people collect stamps, others collect wine, still others pile up exes. I wish I could strap on Swatches — you know, the slightly retro, trendily-designed wrist ornaments of the 80s and 90s. Such a collection of icons would provide me with more time. I really, really need more time…an arm full of it, in fact.

I feel strapped with a to do list every day. There just simply is not enough time to get it all done. My hair. When can I get my hair done? Work out. This takes up so much of my day. Run Beatrice here and run her there all while tackling Brian’s errands and trying to keep the house modestly clean. A Yard Sale. A Play Group. A field trip. Oh, to appear so simple my life is overrun with needy characters vying for my time.

“Give me an armful of colorful Swatches,” I say.  I will show YOU time, the next time you ask.

Swatches are great because there is a design for every mood of the month, plus they are shockproof, water resistant, and have all the benefits of superior Swiss watch-making without breaking the bank. (And you wouldn’t believe what some of these go for at online auctions.)

Ahh, so many choices, so little time. My arm is ready for the new collection to shine. Bring on the Swatches. Bring on the time.

I keep seeing pretty things around the blogs from Zelaya, a lovely shop out of El Salvador according to Leslie.

 I wish I could wear something like this now or within the next two years. But, I highly doubt it with the way my breasts have grown so bountiful – first with Beatrice now with Whitaker. I think a boob job would be in order before I could wear something so cute. I do hope to get one once I finish having children. At least a lift, or something.

 You know what? I need to be really honest with you all. I would imagine that you would think my life is so glamorous and amazing, fun and carefree. Aren’t all Stay-at-Home Moms supposed to mirror the lives of the Real Housewives or Orange County?  Am I right? I bet this is what you are thinking.

Well, I have to tell you that it is the most amazing job and I absolutely ADORE what I do. I also must divulge the truth: it is one of the hardest jobs in the whole wide world.  Being pregnant and caring for a toddler is simply just not easy…at least not for me. Honestly, I do not think that my body was physically or emotionally ready for pregnancy. I have been sick. Yes, I know. Wah. Wah. Wah. Yet, it is true. I have been sick the entire freakin’ pregnancy. I have had Fall AND Spring allergies, when I don’t even really have allergies when I am not pregnant. The present allergic reaction has lasted since THE END OF FEBRUARY. That means I can’t taste or smell anything. And, I do mean anything. I can not even smell sour milk…seriously.  More, I have had the nasty-iest stomach virus TWICE including one six day bout. I have been anemic – and am still but the iron levels are improving. More, as of Friday my blood pressure is rising.

All I want to do is sleep – and not move. I don’t feel like it, like anything. I have short bursts of energy and that is it. My pelvis burns sometimes.

On a daily basis I attempt to please my husband (who has worked over thirty straight days), my daughter, my dog and my midwife.  On a daily basis I am disappointed by a spouse who wants a well kept house, clean clothes, and a home cooked meal and doesn’t have the time or energy to feel the baby move or hear about my delivery fears or baby love; or, remember my Birthday – a business partner who expects to deliver tasks via esp and have them performed amongst the demands of a two year old – a daughter who wants undivided attention i ncluding diaper changes and reading books and lots of play time (all which I love just not 24/7) - a deserving dog who simply wants some attention, any attention will do – and a midwife who rifts modern medicine (like Nasonex despite the fact that my nose has bled every afternoon for the last two weeks) while prescribing an hour of exercise a day.

I just need to make it clear that even though this job is my lifelong passion. I do want to be home with my children and here for my husband.  I love my life.  I just wish that I could do it better and no matter how hard I try sometimes it’s just not good enough. My house is too often unkept and the refrigerator empty while my dog goes unexercised and untouched.

I’m sure this is the same in every profession but relying on others feedback & reaction in this profession is often disappointing. It’s embarressing at times. No matter what you do, sometimes it all just ends up wrong!

I don’t want your sympathy. Please do not feel sorry for me. I am not that type. That’s not what this post is about. I just thought I’d tell you that staying at home with your babies really isn’t as glamorous, easy, and lovey as it sounds. Okay, sometimes it is. I admit it, most the time it is.  But not lately and certainly not every day. Often, it is dirty, draining and tiring – especially when you are pregnant.

 All I want to do is sleep, recooperate, go somewhere by myself, and hire a maid and a cook – and someone to buy me cute clothes that fit.

So, this is why I haven’t been blogging much. Because I haven’t had batteries for my camera and I am too tired to get some. Because I am tired and just don’t feel like it. And, frankly I haven’t had a whole lot of energy, blog lust, or nice things to say.

Tomorrow will be better. I know it will be.

Images via Absolutely Beatiful Things  Vi.sualize.us