You know what? I need to be really honest with you all. I would imagine that you would think my life is so glamorous and amazing, fun and carefree. Aren’t all Stay-at-Home Moms supposed to mirror the lives of the Real Housewives or Orange County? Am I right? I bet this is what you are thinking.
Well, I have to tell you that it is the most amazing job and I absolutely ADORE what I do. I also must divulge the truth: it is one of the hardest jobs in the whole wide world. Being pregnant and caring for a toddler is simply just not easy…at least not for me. Honestly, I do not think that my body was physically or emotionally ready for pregnancy. I have been sick. Yes, I know. Wah. Wah. Wah. Yet, it is true. I have been sick the entire freakin’ pregnancy. I have had Fall AND Spring allergies, when I don’t even really have allergies when I am not pregnant. The present allergic reaction has lasted since THE END OF FEBRUARY. That means I can’t taste or smell anything. And, I do mean anything. I can not even smell sour milk…seriously. More, I have had the nasty-iest stomach virus TWICE including one six day bout. I have been anemic – and am still but the iron levels are improving. More, as of Friday my blood pressure is rising.
All I want to do is sleep – and not move. I don’t feel like it, like anything. I have short bursts of energy and that is it. My pelvis burns sometimes.
On a daily basis I attempt to please my husband (who has worked over thirty straight days), my daughter, my dog and my midwife. On a daily basis I am disappointed by a spouse who wants a well kept house, clean clothes, and a home cooked meal and doesn’t have the time or energy to feel the baby move or hear about my delivery fears or baby love; or, remember my Birthday – a business partner who expects to deliver tasks via esp and have them performed amongst the demands of a two year old – a daughter who wants undivided attention i ncluding diaper changes and reading books and lots of play time (all which I love just not 24/7) - a deserving dog who simply wants some attention, any attention will do – and a midwife who rifts modern medicine (like Nasonex despite the fact that my nose has bled every afternoon for the last two weeks) while prescribing an hour of exercise a day.
I just need to make it clear that even though this job is my lifelong passion. I do want to be home with my children and here for my husband. I love my life. I just wish that I could do it better and no matter how hard I try sometimes it’s just not good enough. My house is too often unkept and the refrigerator empty while my dog goes unexercised and untouched.
I’m sure this is the same in every profession but relying on others feedback & reaction in this profession is often disappointing. It’s embarressing at times. No matter what you do, sometimes it all just ends up wrong!
I don’t want your sympathy. Please do not feel sorry for me. I am not that type. That’s not what this post is about. I just thought I’d tell you that staying at home with your babies really isn’t as glamorous, easy, and lovey as it sounds. Okay, sometimes it is. I admit it, most the time it is. But not lately and certainly not every day. Often, it is dirty, draining and tiring – especially when you are pregnant.
All I want to do is sleep, recooperate, go somewhere by myself, and hire a maid and a cook – and someone to buy me cute clothes that fit.
So, this is why I haven’t been blogging much. Because I haven’t had batteries for my camera and I am too tired to get some. Because I am tired and just don’t feel like it. And, frankly I haven’t had a whole lot of energy, blog lust, or nice things to say.
Tomorrow will be better. I know it will be.
Images via Absolutely Beatiful Things Vi.sualize.us